"I would rather be ashes than dust!  I would rather my sparks should burn out in a blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot.  I would rather be as a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than asleep and permanent as a planet.

The proper function of a person is to live, not to exist.  I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.  I shall use my time."

-Jack London

Good Quote for the Ending of a Journey

“Once a journey is designed, equipped, and put in process, a new factor enters and takes over. A trip, a safari, an exploration, is an entity, different from all other journeys. It has personality, temperament, individuality, uniqueness. A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing and coercion are fruitless. We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us. Tour masters, schedules, reservations, brass-bound and inevitable, dash themselves to wreckage on the personality of the trip. Only when this is recognized can the blown-in-the-glass bum relax and go along with it. Only then do the frustrations fall away. In this a journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. I feel better now, having said this, although only those who have experienced it will understand.” 

John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley

(This is from Beau - he read it at the final puja today. He usually paraphrases the part about 'blown-in-the-glass bum' - and today he added academic directors to the list in the seventh sentence.)

Facilitation Skillz

Just finished facilitating an ISP Debrief - 11 students talking about their experiences conducting fieldwork in the last month.  I realized I haven't been in a discussion the entire semester.

I can still do it.

In fact, I kept pretty quiet after presenting some context about why we would want to do some debriefing as a group, and planted a general start up question, "What were some significant moments for you in the past month?"  The students talked for just over two hours - speaking to each other, commenting, commiserating, sharing moments that they felt were significant.  They talked about gaining trust (what methods were helpful, and were they ethical i.e. language learning, helping in the kitchen, spending time with their families and newly made friends), talked about how it felt to encounter other 'tourists' and feel much more culturally appropriate, concepts of home, identity, whether or not the US has a culture and if so, what is it?

I directed them a bit when they were getting away from focusing on the what, so what, now what of the actual experience, but rather drifting off into metaphorical analysis of whether or not experience dictates reality.

I also stepped back in to ask them, "What was the most challenging piece of the last month."   The conversation got a little negative.  I said something clever about how part of the skill developing has to do with putting all the experiences (individually and collectively) in the middle and taking a step back to look at everything from an 'objective' angle.  Not taking things too personally.  Then we finished up with talking about how they see this experience as relevant to the remainder of their school career, and their lives.  They gushed about how it wasn't the 'research' but the life experience which made all the difference.  The space helped them identify confidence and passion to continue their work. 

They thanked me at the end - first for creating the space for them to process about their experience, and then for listening.  For planting open-ended questions and expecting honest responses.  For being a good facilitator.

It's not about me, it's about them processing their experience to get to the next place in their journey with new knowledge.  But it felt wonderful to be in that role again.  I had lost my own confidence and passion in the fact that I am okay at interacting with people and students.  That there's not something wrong with me and therefore I should stay far away from them.  Maybe some of that has been restored this afternoon.

Though, the processing of MY learning experience this semester would dictate that it's important to function from a place of humility.  There's no right way to do something.  Sometimes when someone projects that there indeed IS a right way, or if someone perceives that someone else thinks there is a right way to do something and there is no agreement, it creates lots of conflict.   I finish this afternoon gratefully, and humbly.

I can be a teacher, I think.  I can guide others to finding their truths. maybe.

PhD You Say???

What would these possible topics of study for a phd look like:

ecology and conflict

international diplomacy and systems thinking

political science and community building

an ecological approach to conflict transformation

I'm thinking that if I do, indeed want to pursue a phd somewhere I need to understand first what my motivation for doing so is.  Do I want to be AD of SIT Nepal?  Do I want to teach in the US? Do I want to work as a practitioner in some field of study here in the Himalayan region?  and of course, where can my skill set be of most benefit and relevance to others?

Most importantly - what would a phd give me that I don't have right now?  credibility?  The insistance that I am 'not just a kid' trying to fumble her way through the professional world.  Would some time spent studying and focusing on one topic really do that for me?  or am I approaching this issue from the wrong angle?

What kind of life experience do I need between now and potentially starting a phd in, say, Fall 2011 or Fall 2012?  More work with an NGO?  Management?  Field work?

From the Global LAB Archives...

This was written by me in the spring of 2008 while working for Global LAB leading gap year programs in northern India. 
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Seva = Service.

Many times over the course of the semester, we arrange for, explore the practice of, and process our experiences giving service. Many of the religions into which we dig have strong traditions of donation and service - this semester we've dug deeply into Jainism as we've explored Jaipur. Selfless volunteer service, or seva, is a act practiced by Jains in many different ways. The most important piece is not just to give the seva as an obligation but to truly feel from your heart that there is nothing else to do but give what you have - your skills, your gratitude, and your love.

About a week ago, I had a chance to do just that. I am still feeling the tingly warmth radiating out of my chest as I sit here, remembering, in order to blog about this experience.

As you all know, we were living in Chomu - a small town 40 km outside of Jaipur - for three days. On the evening of the second day, as the students were safely with their homestay families laughing, dancing, and singing with their brothers-and-sisters for the night, Harrison and I traveled with Shivani, our local coordinator, to visit some Jain nuns. We found them walking along the busy road, cars blowing their horns and blazing past these women, clad all in white, heads covered with blue/grey material covering their mouths as to not inhale any unaware insects as they walked. What a contrast to the motorbike-stares as many folks ripped by us!

More striking than the sight of these nuns walking along the road was the entourage that followed them. Women and men who had devoted either that part of the day or a week of their life to walk along with with nuns. They were cooking and cleaning and readying every small detail to arrange for the safety, sleeping, and eating for the nuns caught and held my attention. One woman, in particular, Lali, drew me in with her smile immediately.

We arrived at the place where the nuns would stay for the night and preparations began immediately for dinner. Harrison and I stood around, for a minute or two, watching, observing, and being quite dwarfed by the quick activity around us: the nuns needed to eat before the sun set in about 30 minutes. We were standing in a movie scene - The two of us still, in focus, while everyone else played back in fast forward around us.

My eyes focused on Lali - in her red sari - her strong body moving with grace among the others, quietly, but firmly guiding, showing the others what needed to be done to accomplish their tasks. Not quite knowing what else to do but feeling uncomfortable watching things happen around me while I stood still, I approached her. She looked at me, smiled deeply, and put an apple in my right hand and a knife in my left. I squatted down and began to peel. I was focused on taking the seed parts out of the apple, as Lali showed me, because Jain nuns can't eat any piece of food that could potentially contain another life. I looked to my left where Lali had placed a huge bowl of fruit for me to peel and de-seed: pomegranate (yikes for de-seeding!), papaya, apples, oranges, and grapes. Next to the bowl, a cup of steaming chai sat also waiting for my attention. I set to work.

This small bit of seva that I was able to give - merely cutting some fruit for the nuns, and for the people who were attending to them to share together - filled me up with a deep sense of satisfaction. I felt a bit weightless with joy, actually. It's these moments that I am so grateful for, but are also a bit dangerous as they are addicting. To feel so happy and so light is a rare thing.

So as we continue to move along this semester and engage with other traditions in which seva is a huge piece (Sikhism at this Golden Temple where I finish up this post), I remember this feeling, Lali's smile, and the happiness that came from my small actions that evening before the sun set.

May you all feel the heart warmth as you identify pieces of service that you give every day to your loved ones, your children, your parents, your partners. May the giving be enough to fill your hearts with gratitude for the opportunity to give.

In Service,

TKJ

The Nonverbal Advantage by Carol Kinsey Goman

Non Verbal Communication can build trust.

Within seven seconds of meeting people, they have already formed their first impression of you.

93 % of the messages people receive have nothing to do with what you actually say.

Four Points -

1. The Gaze - two types of eye contact. Business gaze - apex at the forehead. signals no-nonsense approach. Social gaze - apex at the mouth. Social gaze signals interest. Can be misinterpreted as flirting. Can be confusing to mix them. Women need to be aware that to be taken seriously in business encounters, don't use social gaze.

2. Head Tilt - signal of interest and involvement. positive cues, but feminine gesture indicating submission. also can indicate interest.

3. Body Orientation - degree of face, shoulders, and feet facing a person indicates the status or level of like of that person. Toward you = positive attitude about you. Direct orientation is offputting for men; It's confrontational. Men position themselves on oblique angles. Women are comfortable facing each other. When approaching a male colleague, do so from the side.

4. Mirroring - we subconsiously mirror each other signaling connection or engaged. signals 'like' or 'agreement.' goes both ways - when someone's mirroring you, they like/agree with you. when you use mirroring, you're making others more comfortable through positive relation with the other person.

Miss Thang also talks about the eyebrow lift upon meeting someone - like when you're walking down a busy street full of people and you happen to recognize someone in the crowd.  This gesture tells them that they are important or interesting.  What happens when you do this to someone in the first seven seconds... ??  Positive impression, methinks.